June 2019 – In Step With God

I am writing this because of my last blog and thought that I would expand on the question of why some people are still single when they apparently read Joshua Harris’s book, having been following the principles and are/were waiting on God. I sat and thought about this more for a long time after a phone conversation with one of my guy friends. During the conversation it came up about the fact that there were a number of single girls in his town and he couldn’t quite understand why they were all still single. (He himself is married).

There are so many factors, situations and reasons that play apart as to why girls and guys are still in the ‘single’ stage/ situation of life. It is so easy for us to blame God, a book and people as to why we are still single, but I believe that this needs to be looked into in a more open minded way. Don’t worry, I can relate as I too being in my early thirties and am currently single. This may not be the complete list or answers as to why but here are some reasons as to why some people could be in the ‘single stage’.

Where I grew up there isn’t many young adults in our churches especially around my age which makes it difficult to find someone and I am from a city! I lived there for 29 years before moving to a smaller town for my job. You may be from a small town and this could be a factor, just no one around. To every problem there is a solution whether it be, what are you doing to share your faith with others? With this will bring new people into your church- though be careful of your motive as your motive for sharing your faith shouldn’t be to find a wife/ husband. This is just simply another avenue that God could bring someone into your life. We are called to be missionaries and to spread the Word of God. Geographically is one reason as to why people haven’t found someone and I would say is quite common.

Another factor is the spiritual state of those available and I personal believe that this is a big thing. For me personally I believe in finding someone not only the same faith as me, as this is what the Bible is very clear on (2 Corinthians 6:14), but in spiritual harmony with me within the faith. They don’t have to have been in the church as long or have as much knowledge but God has to be number one in their life and very much apart of their life. Even within the same faith you have to be careful as not everyone is always on the same page or has a relationship with God. There are a lot of people who just go to church because that’s what they have always done, tradition and social aspect/ side of church, but don’t have a personal relationship with God or know what they believe. Even those that come into the church don’t always come in for the right reasons or are ready to enter a relationship- you shall know them by the way they act and their fruits (Seek wise counsel if unsure). This could be another reason that there might be a lack of spiritual young people. I myself personally won’t enter a relationship with someone who isn’t on the same page as I have witnessed so many broken relationships because of this or those being changed by that person who didn’t have a relationship with God, for the worse and from my own personal experience. Through making yourself spiritual, you can be a witness to others, which will help them grow in theirs and they might become strong in the Lord. Be careful not to enter a relationship in the hope of changing the other person, as this is not the right motive or Gods way. Mostly you will be pulled down and they will revert back to their ways.

Maybe your not spiritually where you should be, your motives are impurer or have a lack of faith. We don’t have to be ‘perfect’ for God to bring you a partner but we do have to be having God at the forefront of our lives in every area and aspect. We can only serve one master (Matthew 6:24).

Maybe its not Gods time! I know you have probably heard this before but it is true. Waiting on God is the hardest thing (I totally understand as I find it hard at times too), but ultimately God is God and He knows best. He knows you and the future. He wants to give you a great future full of blessings. He is not a withholder (Jeremiah 29: 11-13). There could be reasons as to why He may have kept you single such as the work you are doing for Him is great at the moment and you wouldn’t be able to achieve this if married. Your time and other areas, things in your life change once you become married. He may want to continue to develop your character in preparation for marriage or maybe the person you are meant to be with isn’t ready. How many of us think of that thought? They could still be finding out about God through situations in their life, just coming into the church or maybe you are helping them know God at the moment.

Make yourself available by attending camps, conferences, training, meeting new people, visiting churches, travelling, so that you can continue to get to know yourself- who you are, who God wants you to be, as well as meeting others. Though God doesn’t want our sole focus in life to be looking for our ‘soul mate’ but to wait on Him, He still expects us to use the brain that He has given us. We aren’t to lock ourselves away expecting God to drop someone on our doorstep (though of course God can do anything). God expects us to meet others as we are called to share. There is nothing wrong with making yourself available in a God honouring way.

Continue to get to know God, do a work for Him while you are still single because its not finding “Mr Right” but being the person God wants you to be. Mission first, Mate second as was instituted in the Garden of Eden with Adam (Genesis 2:15, 19-20).

Unfortunately there is the reality too that we don’t live in an ideal world so there will be some people that may never have a partner due to various reasons. War has also played a part in this factor, creating fewer men in the world to women. I like how in ‘Princess Cut’ the Christian movie dealing with relationships said, that we need to stop trying to get a harvest before planting the seed. God has given you this valuable time while single to serve others and to draw closer to Him. We are to use it wisely, stop trying to find love, let God bring love to you.

Its better to be happily single than unhappily married. Be thankful and content with what you do have.

Much love.

When I first learnt about Joshua Harris deciding to review his stance of the book he wrote, I was a little surprised and decided to look into it further. I remember reading this book when I was younger and so was interested as to why he was rethinking his stance. So I decided to read what Joshua said were his reasons as to why he’s decided to have a re-look, as well as, spending a long time reading through the comments/ feedback that were given on his website regarding others with their experience with his book in their lives. I watched some videos on YouTube as well, for both sides of the argument and found it all very fascinating.

When I read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, It was years after the book was first released and it’s so called ‘movement’ that swept across America. I was way out of high school and hadn’t heard about the books impact in many people’s lives except that of my sister. I understand and can sympathise with how people must feel with having the book almost ‘Bible Bashed’ at the time, as this is what happened in the case of my sister. It was done through some people who meant well, but went about it the wrong way to end a close friendship my sister was having with a guy (they weren’t even in a relationship). At the same there is no way that any of the blame should be targeted/ directed to Joshua Harris for this and I feel that people are using Joshua as a scapegoat. People will always take what they read and use it in ways that are both negative and positive; it is all about how people go about it.

I read this book awhile after the ‘movement’ and I personally believe that this book is for those who are not ready for a relationship and was giving guiding principles on how to stay pure and honour God in your singleness for when the time is right to pursue a relationship leading to marriage. I believe that this book is aimed at high school kids/ youth and so far have not found anything wrong Biblically. As soon as I had completed it, I realised that the target audience was that of teens/ late teens who should wait and stay pure until the right time and that time was when they were ready for the commitment of marriage. It is saying to wait until you are ready to pursue a relationship with the intent of it leading to marriage, otherwise you will go through needless heartache, pain and playing with other peoples feelings, which is unfair, as well as your own. There is no point to having a relationship for the sake of a relationship because others are. Just because it is what’s done, doesn’t make it right. It is also a temporary enjoyment with lasting consequences and this is just asking for the unnecessary, needless heartache. This also can wrongly lead to the other person involved being led-on which is selfish. Treating a relationship/ person like this can cause/ lead to problems later on in future relationships as a result. If you ask most other people they would say that they wished they stayed pure rather than throwing it away.

His other book “Boy Meets Girl” is for those who are responsible, mature enough for marriage, and feel that they are ready to purse a relationship with the intent of it leading to the commitment of marriage.

I believe that one mistake that a lot of people make is that they forget, that things like this book, is a guide and you have to look at your particular situation and apply it too that, which unfortunately people don’t seem to do. As a result of not doing this, they are quick to blame when things don’t go how they envisioned or planned it too for their life.

We must remember that a husband or wife isn’t our reward for staying pure. God never promises this. He asks us to obey Him and to stay pure because we love Him, not what we can get out of Him (1 These 4:3-4). Our motivation should be about us wanting to honour and please God because we love Him and want that everlasting/ eternal relationship.

There are so many reasons and factors that can play apart in why relationships have broken down or why people have not found someone. A book can’t be blamed for that as choices are made and this book was only a guide with some guiding principles. If we throw away his book, do we throw away the Bible, as his principles were Bible based? We all have free well to choose. I actually feel that it is almost unfair for Joshua Harris to be personally targeted, but by nature us humans, we like to find someone to blame. This all started right back in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve blamed others for their choice. I believe that everything needs to be taken in context and all studied with the Bible, as I believe what the Bible says is true no matter what, even if it goes against popularity. Do we please God or man?

Month: June 2019

Why still single?

This Ordeal over “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”