Category: Relationships

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The Means We Seek

Faithful Prayer

“The means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek.”

– Martin Luther King Jr.

As I ponder on this powerful statement by Martin Luther King Jr., I look around this world in chaos, hatred and selfishness, and I see how easily people can become caught up in some of the characteristics that go along with such actions of unkindness, hurt, lack of thought and evil, in different circumstances. I see these actions occurring through injustices that others see or experience which ignites retaliation, through showing governments how unhappy one feels towards certain actions or legislation, through the ambitions of getting a top position that has been desired for sometime, boosting ones business to make it bigger and better or any other such situation.

Looking at the word “motive” I realise that this word is not something that we take a lot of stock of in our own individual lives, or talk a lot about unless it is in regards to the gym! But motive is something that underpins all that we do in the means that we use or seek, whether it is generating change, how we see others or gaining that much desired promotion. Motive in and of itself, is neither bad nor good, but depending on how we use it, is what determines the outcome for bad or good (Proverbs 4:23). If we see like Christ saw, our means would always be as pure as the ends that we seek (Proverbs 16:2). It doesn’t become about us but about God and what He wants or desires to have happen.

There have been times in my life where I have wanted to create or see change, to make something better or wanted others to know that an injustice has occurred. I remember there having been particular situations where I have wanted to and really wished that I could be mean back to that person or showed them how they wronged me, all in the hope to wake them up. My personality is not one where I could ever bring myself to do that, as I generally shy away from any conflict situation. Looking back on those moments I praise God that I never did use these methods, as even though I might’ve been justified in the way I felt, it wasn’t the right meansto use for the end result I wanted to see take place. It wouldn’t create change; only create more division and turmoil.

As Christians, in all that we do we should be able to give glory to God. For after all if we call ourselves Christians, it is Him that we follow, believe in and are ambassadors for. If we are using our own selfish ambitions to achieve the result we are wanting, then how does this glorify God? If we are using manipulation, lying and bullying tactics to achieve a great outcome for God, how does this glorify a loving God? The Bible clearly tells us that God is a God of love (1 John 4:8), patient and longsuffering (2 Peter 3:9), not wanting anyone to perish but all to be saved. Using these kinds of means or methods goes against who God is and ultimately does more damage than good.

Something I believe that is lacking in amongst society today including Christians, is the ability to pause before making decisions or reacting and especially for Christians is stopping to pray first. Often we run ahead of God, get tired of waiting and so as a result we think we know best and try to help Him, justifying that if the end results turn out good, its ok. This is unfortunately the wrong attitude to have and can lead to a slippery slope. This is not Biblical in any way (1 Timothy 1:5).

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

– Psalm 51:10

The great thing is that we can become more pure in our means in all areas of our life but it can only be done through intimately knowing God. I’m not meaning knowing all about God in knowledge only, as this doesn’t take root in your heart. You can have a head knowledge without having the heart knowledge. Just look for example at all the fans of famous celebrities such as Tom Cruise for instance. They know all about him but they don’t know him personally or intimately. There is a big difference between someone who hasn’t met you, barely knows you and intimately knows you. It is the same for Christians, we need to be so careful we don’t get caught up in the very same trap where we know all about God but don’t actually know God intimately (haven’t had a real personal heart encounter). Its only through knowing Him intimately that change occurs and our means become more pure, where people can see the difference (Matthew 7:16). You will then be able to see people, objects, things and situations differently- through the eyes of Christ. We must strive through the help of God to always seek pure means, even if we don’t always see the results straight away, this is not our concern, as God said that He would look after you and fight your battles. (Exodus 14:14, Deuteronomy 3:22).

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

– Romans 12:2

The Bible is very clear when it comes to seeing what others are doing or a crowd, and not getting caught up in such, even if what they are hoping for as the end result is good, but the means to get there is not (Exodus 23:2). We can make a difference through other godly means. Humbly and prayfully we must take and make known our petitions to the Lord, listen to His voice for direction and search His words through the Bible to guide and direct your steps.

Have courage and be kind!

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Being A Blessing In Your Work Place

Christian at work

As a Christian or follower of Christ, we are called to be His ambassadors. This means everywhere we go, in all that we do and with all whom we meet along the way. Work places can be very interesting environments, as there can be a lot going on, lots of different types of personalities mixed together, with some that we may even struggle at times working along side. No matter what industry you work in, there can be highs, lows and challenges. God does tell us in His Word that we will still go through trails and tribulations even once we accept Him into our lives, but the difference being that He will help us through. In our work places as Christians/ believers in God, we still need to uphold who we are, what it means to be a child of God and to see everyone through Gods eyes. We also should be a witness, sharing God’s love and looking/ praying for opportunities to do so.

Here are some ideas of how you can be a blessing in your work place and be a reflection of Christ:

1. Saying good morning/ goodbye even if people don’t say it back– Persistence pays off. Be that happy person.

2. Bringing in food to share every so often – Going out of your way to show hospitality and kindness.

3. Smile lots – You never know what others are going through and this could make someone’s day and be just what they needed.

4. Every so often helping someone’s workload – Flexibility, as long as it doesn’t put you in a bad place or behind. People really appreciate those who a flexible and alleviate their work loads.

5. Seizing opportunities– Help where can in situations that you hear about (if people are struggling, someone has passed, planning a surprise etc).

6. Offer to pray with or for someone who’s distressed– But remember to always pray anyway at home or quietly at work for your work colleagues daily/weekly.

7. Complementing– As this helps focus on others rather than ourselves, even if they get a position that you wanted. It might not be God’s time for you to have that position or He has something else better for you. Don’t ever bully or lie to get what you want or to the top, as God can work anything and everything out in His time and for His glory.

8. Always being punctual, tidy and organized (work dependent)– This reflects on your character and also the character of your God if they know that you are a Christian.

9. Doing your job to the best of your ability– Reliable and can be counted on. Making an effort even if others are slacking. This builds a good reputation for you which can help you later in other positions and jobs in the future.

10.Having an encouraging Bible verse on your desk– This can be a conversation starter if another worker asks you about it. Don’t use it to Bible bash but let them ask you. They may never but it doesn’t mean that they haven’t noticed it. You may not know the effect it has on someone.

11.Not letting your personal life effect your work ethics and that of others– Trust God that He will take care of you and everything your going through, even if its hard to understand at the time. But God promises to look after you and to fight your battles. This can also be a witness to others of your faith, as you remain professional at work.

I would love to hear how it is going in your work place with trying some of these ideas! 🙂

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Do we really need to belong to a church to have a healthy Christian walk?

Holy Bible

To answer this question we need to look at the existence of churches in the first place, why and how they were set up. A lot of people when asked about the origin of the Christian church, point back to the time of the apostles after the death of Jesus. Where they went from house to house, town to town, preaching and sharing the Word of God to both the Jews and the Gentiles. This has also been used as an excuse as to why some Christians believe and feel that we don’t have to meet in a church/ organized church but can have what is known as ‘home church’ instead or just keep their day of worship at home with just their family. One point to remember here is that back in the apostles time gentiles were not allowed to go into the Jewish synagogue to worship or certain parts of it, so they had to meet in places where they all could gather together, both Jew and gentile to hear the message of God being taught, before creating their own building as they grew in number. In certain areas because of their geological location there might’ve only been a handful of believers in God, so as a result they would meet in someone’s house for church because they either didn’t have a building to use or the affordability of one as well. There are a few factors to consider when looking at this reasoning.

For me the idea of church goes back even further than that of the apostle’s time. We can even look back to at of when the sanctuary was built in Moses time. God asked specifically for a sanctuary to be made as a replica or pattern of the Heavenly sanctuary, where He gave clear instructions in the way things should be built and done within it. Note to remember- only the ceremonial side of the sanctuary/law was done away with at the cross because Jesus was the official sacrificial lamb, that came to pave the way of salvation for all, from sin. Those ceremonial practices where symbolic, pointing to the coming lamb.

One of the reasons as to why He asked for a sanctuary to be built was so that He may dwell among His people (Exodus 25:8). He also used the sanctuary to reform the children of Israel’s character and to point them back to Heavenly thoughts, which is the same for us today. The principles have not changed, as God is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). There is an extra special blessing for those that keep the Sabbath and come into a place where God’s presence dwells, just like in the sanctuary in Moses day.

We are created in the image of God and are designed as social beings intended to have relationships with God and one another. God tells us not to stop the meeting of coming together as found in Hebrews 10:23-25, for a lot of good reasons. Apart from there being a place where He dwells (and yes He does also dwell in our hearts), church is a place where others of like faith can encourage one another through what is going on in each individuals lives, teach children how to walk rightly, to live an abundant filled life through the virtues and to learn about God. A place of spiritual growth, understanding gained and to be challenged otherwise one can become stale in their Christian walk. If you don’t ask questions, find out others perspectives and only gain your spiritual food off a sermon you watch on TV, no real growth will happen.

Church is also a place of accountability or should be, learning how to connect with others, learning to work with different types of people, and their personality types. You can achieve more as a body united, be a greater witness and empowered than just on your own. Going to church isn’t about yourself (though one grows by attending church), but about honoring God, as He’s the head and what He has asked us to do.

Sabbath is that time set apart to spend with God as He instituted right back at creation, to connect with people of like faith, and to support others on their spiritual journey within your faith. It’s about God and not about what we want. If we are not getting spiritual food in church, how can we change that? Could we be the one to give the spiritual food, which in turn will help you, as you remember 90% of what you teach? I encourage you to be the change you want to see. Is it about you or about God?

Food for thought…

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Visitors, will they be back?

Welcome Please Come In

There it was! The same universal, worldwide sign, so recognisable and even though the words may sometimes be in another language, I can still tell what it reads. It was my church family on the other side of the world. With great anticipation and excitement, I walked across the street and stepped in the doors to fellowship with those of like faith, my brothers and sisters in Christ, on the other side of the world. I walked in, sat down, no one came near me and no one spoke to me. Suddenly someone approached me and sat down. This was nice I thought, only to have them ask and gesture for me to move along the pew so that their friends could sit next to them. When I was unable to move any further as I had reached the end by the heater, I received a dirty look because this now meant that there wasn’t enough room for all their friends to be able to fit and they wanted me to vacate my seat. The sanctuary was so full that day that there was actually no seats left for me to even move to as some members were having to stand at the back due to it being all full. Throughout the service I kept on getting glared at so in due course when the service ended, I quietly got up, walked out of the church unnoticed, and off down the street the way I came.

One of the most exciting things for me on my ‘big trip’ was this moment, where I was about to go to a church in another country other than my own, but only to come away with questions, disbelief, and amazement. This was only one of my experiences.

What do you think of your church? Is it a friendly church? Welcoming? Hospitable? Or do you feel that it may be only because you already know people there and have friends that attend? How would a visitor feel about your church whether they be a member from another church or someone off the street?

These were just some of the questions that I started asking myself during and after my big overseas trip. Growing up in the church, I always knew people. Through attending youth camps and other church gatherings, I developed great friendships with others in different parts of the country. Whenever I visited, they would welcome me into their church, introduce me to other church members and plan social events. I always felt welcomed! I was really excited to visit other churches in different countries and to experience their church as every country may do things slightly differently even though we share similar beliefs. It would be the first time that I was the observer and the visitor that no one knew. Unfortunately my thoughts were only to be completely changed.

Now don’t get me wrong, not every church I visited was lacking in hospitality, as I did have great experiences also and met some really great people whom I still keep in touch with. I am truly thankful for those amazing memories and great experiences. But I can’t say the same for all the churches I visited. Now thankfully I am someone who doesn’t mind spending my day of worship to myself in another country and I don’t rely on others to do that for me. I am also someone who doesn’t get offended easily so these experiences haven’t changed my faith in God and I still 100% believe in the faith. This experience was great and has taught me a number of things and made me question, what is my church like?

Now I am not saying that you all of a sudden have to open up your homes to every visitor who walks through the door, but i know that if it was someone else who experienced some of these receptions and a lack of interest or welcoming, that this could’ve really affected them. I looked the part of a well-groomed Christian all dressed in my best. But I wondered if I wasn’t, would people have made more of an effort, thinking that they could convert someone or win a soul to Christ? But because I was already a Christian, does that mean that I didn’t need that welcome?

We have no idea where other Christians or non-believers lives are headed and what they have been going through. What if I had walked away from God and just decided to try and come back, so yes I looked the part because I already knew about dressing right, but I walked into a church as unfriendly or as rude as I experienced. Would that person have stayed or become discouraged again?

We need to remember the principle spoken about in Matthew 25:31-46, when Jesus was talking to His disciples about how others are treated, which in turn was showing how you were treating God:

“The righteous will answer Him, saying ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see you a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothed You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?” (vs 37-39)

The key point we need to remember is:

“And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, You did it to Me.” (vs 40).

We know this verse but how many of us stop to ponder it and its meaning. If you keep on reading from verses 40-46, you will find out how upset God is when others are not taken care of by those who know God. Just like the verse above, Jesus also says:

“Then He will answer them, saying, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.” (vs 45).

As God’s followers, we are called to care, look after, welcome all those whom we come into contact with, as we are a reflection of Christ to others and we may be the only Bible some people see, through our actions and words.

So I want to encourage you to take a serious step back and look at your church. our churches should be one of the happiest places to come to as we are all coming together to worship our Creator with the amazing truths that we have. We are a helping and healing ground to all that we come in contact with. What can you do to make your church more welcoming? or what can you do personally even if other members won’t get on board? What you do or don’t do will have an affect on others lives.

Let our churches be praised for being the inviting, welcoming place that new or old comers love to dwell as we dwell in the presence of God.

Much Love

Sash

Shame It Needed To Be Said

She was on holiday and called in to your church to worship, but oh dear me,
No friendliness was shown, so after the service she left immediately.
She wasn’t impressed, and no doubt God wasn’t either, for it’s His church, you know,
And His church isn’t exclusive, so back again she’s hardly likely to go.

She had the whole day to kill, could’ve done with an invite to lunch, some friendship,
But no one seemed to care, and why lack out the front door she was soon seen to slip.
And no one feeling guilty — some witness, I must say — so why’s anyone there?

Well, for the little good they’re doing; and I thought that Christ we’re supposed to share.
Oh, she visited another church to worship. Was it yours? Fared better there,
Because at least one person responded, maybe you, but I still thought, “Oh dear.”
Only one person? And how many others were there? Yes, what a tragedy,

So I guess they might as well shut shop, for why would Christ want to be there? Or me.

By Lance Landall

(www.poetrywithamission.co.nz)

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Why still single?

Single Rose

I am writing this because of my last blog and thought that I would expand on the question of why some people are still single when they apparently read Joshua Harris’s book, having been following the principles and are/were waiting on God. I sat and thought about this more for a long time after a phone conversation with one of my guy friends. During the conversation it came up about the fact that there were a number of single girls in his town and he couldn’t quite understand why they were all still single. (He himself is married).

There are so many factors, situations and reasons that play apart as to why girls and guys are still in the ‘single’ stage/ situation of life. It is so easy for us to blame God, a book and people as to why we are still single, but I believe that this needs to be looked into in a more open minded way. Don’t worry, I can relate as I too being in my early thirties and am currently single. This may not be the complete list or answers as to why but here are some reasons as to why some people could be in the ‘single stage’.

Where I grew up there isn’t many young adults in our churches especially around my age which makes it difficult to find someone and I am from a city! I lived there for 29 years before moving to a smaller town for my job. You may be from a small town and this could be a factor, just no one around. To every problem there is a solution whether it be, what are you doing to share your faith with others? With this will bring new people into your church- though be careful of your motive as your motive for sharing your faith shouldn’t be to find a wife/ husband. This is just simply another avenue that God could bring someone into your life. We are called to be missionaries and to spread the Word of God. Geographically is one reason as to why people haven’t found someone and I would say is quite common.

Another factor is the spiritual state of those available and I personal believe that this is a big thing. For me personally I believe in finding someone not only the same faith as me, as this is what the Bible is very clear on (2 Corinthians 6:14), but in spiritual harmony with me within the faith. They don’t have to have been in the church as long or have as much knowledge but God has to be number one in their life and very much apart of their life. Even within the same faith you have to be careful as not everyone is always on the same page or has a relationship with God. There are a lot of people who just go to church because that’s what they have always done, tradition and social aspect/ side of church, but don’t have a personal relationship with God or know what they believe. Even those that come into the church don’t always come in for the right reasons or are ready to enter a relationship- you shall know them by the way they act and their fruits (Seek wise counsel if unsure). This could be another reason that there might be a lack of spiritual young people. I myself personally won’t enter a relationship with someone who isn’t on the same page as I have witnessed so many broken relationships because of this or those being changed by that person who didn’t have a relationship with God, for the worse and from my own personal experience. Through making yourself spiritual, you can be a witness to others, which will help them grow in theirs and they might become strong in the Lord. Be careful not to enter a relationship in the hope of changing the other person, as this is not the right motive or Gods way. Mostly you will be pulled down and they will revert back to their ways.

Maybe your not spiritually where you should be, your motives are impurer or have a lack of faith. We don’t have to be ‘perfect’ for God to bring you a partner but we do have to be having God at the forefront of our lives in every area and aspect. We can only serve one master (Matthew 6:24).

Maybe its not Gods time! I know you have probably heard this before but it is true. Waiting on God is the hardest thing (I totally understand as I find it hard at times too), but ultimately God is God and He knows best. He knows you and the future. He wants to give you a great future full of blessings. He is not a withholder (Jeremiah 29: 11-13). There could be reasons as to why He may have kept you single such as the work you are doing for Him is great at the moment and you wouldn’t be able to achieve this if married. Your time and other areas, things in your life change once you become married. He may want to continue to develop your character in preparation for marriage or maybe the person you are meant to be with isn’t ready. How many of us think of that thought? They could still be finding out about God through situations in their life, just coming into the church or maybe you are helping them know God at the moment.

Make yourself available by attending camps, conferences, training, meeting new people, visiting churches, travelling, so that you can continue to get to know yourself- who you are, who God wants you to be, as well as meeting others. Though God doesn’t want our sole focus in life to be looking for our ‘soul mate’ but to wait on Him, He still expects us to use the brain that He has given us. We aren’t to lock ourselves away expecting God to drop someone on our doorstep (though of course God can do anything). God expects us to meet others as we are called to share. There is nothing wrong with making yourself available in a God honouring way.

Continue to get to know God, do a work for Him while you are still single because its not finding “Mr Right” but being the person God wants you to be. Mission first, Mate second as was instituted in the Garden of Eden with Adam (Genesis 2:15, 19-20).

Unfortunately there is the reality too that we don’t live in an ideal world so there will be some people that may never have a partner due to various reasons. War has also played a part in this factor, creating fewer men in the world to women. I like how in ‘Princess Cut’ the Christian movie dealing with relationships said, that we need to stop trying to get a harvest before planting the seed. God has given you this valuable time while single to serve others and to draw closer to Him. We are to use it wisely, stop trying to find love, let God bring love to you.

Its better to be happily single than unhappily married. Be thankful and content with what you do have.

Much love.

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This Ordeal over “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”

Christian and Isolation

When I first learnt about Joshua Harris deciding to review his stance of the book he wrote, I was a little surprised and decided to look into it further. I remember reading this book when I was younger and so was interested as to why he was rethinking his stance. So I decided to read what Joshua said were his reasons as to why he’s decided to have a re-look, as well as, spending a long time reading through the comments/ feedback that were given on his website regarding others with their experience with his book in their lives. I watched some videos on YouTube as well, for both sides of the argument and found it all very fascinating.

When I read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, It was years after the book was first released and it’s so called ‘movement’ that swept across America. I was way out of high school and hadn’t heard about the books impact in many people’s lives except that of my sister. I understand and can sympathise with how people must feel with having the book almost ‘Bible Bashed’ at the time, as this is what happened in the case of my sister. It was done through some people who meant well, but went about it the wrong way to end a close friendship my sister was having with a guy (they weren’t even in a relationship). At the same there is no way that any of the blame should be targeted/ directed to Joshua Harris for this and I feel that people are using Joshua as a scapegoat. People will always take what they read and use it in ways that are both negative and positive; it is all about how people go about it.

I read this book awhile after the ‘movement’ and I personally believe that this book is for those who are not ready for a relationship and was giving guiding principles on how to stay pure and honour God in your singleness for when the time is right to pursue a relationship leading to marriage. I believe that this book is aimed at high school kids/ youth and so far have not found anything wrong Biblically. As soon as I had completed it, I realised that the target audience was that of teens/ late teens who should wait and stay pure until the right time and that time was when they were ready for the commitment of marriage. It is saying to wait until you are ready to pursue a relationship with the intent of it leading to marriage, otherwise you will go through needless heartache, pain and playing with other peoples feelings, which is unfair, as well as your own. There is no point to having a relationship for the sake of a relationship because others are. Just because it is what’s done, doesn’t make it right. It is also a temporary enjoyment with lasting consequences and this is just asking for the unnecessary, needless heartache. This also can wrongly lead to the other person involved being led-on which is selfish. Treating a relationship/ person like this can cause/ lead to problems later on in future relationships as a result. If you ask most other people they would say that they wished they stayed pure rather than throwing it away.

His other book “Boy Meets Girl” is for those who are responsible, mature enough for marriage, and feel that they are ready to purse a relationship with the intent of it leading to the commitment of marriage.

I believe that one mistake that a lot of people make is that they forget, that things like this book, is a guide and you have to look at your particular situation and apply it too that, which unfortunately people don’t seem to do. As a result of not doing this, they are quick to blame when things don’t go how they envisioned or planned it too for their life.

We must remember that a husband or wife isn’t our reward for staying pure. God never promises this. He asks us to obey Him and to stay pure because we love Him, not what we can get out of Him (1 These 4:3-4). Our motivation should be about us wanting to honour and please God because we love Him and want that everlasting/ eternal relationship.

There are so many reasons and factors that can play apart in why relationships have broken down or why people have not found someone. A book can’t be blamed for that as choices are made and this book was only a guide with some guiding principles. If we throw away his book, do we throw away the Bible, as his principles were Bible based? We all have free well to choose. I actually feel that it is almost unfair for Joshua Harris to be personally targeted, but by nature us humans, we like to find someone to blame. This all started right back in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve blamed others for their choice. I believe that everything needs to be taken in context and all studied with the Bible, as I believe what the Bible says is true no matter what, even if it goes against popularity. Do we please God or man?

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Welcome!

Welcome to my blog! This is where I will share, express my thoughts, opinions of what I have found through my searching’s and journey as a Christian girl- though not everything will be religious all the time.

What started me on this whole idea of blogging? Will blogging was actually never something I thought about doing or even really considered. My Journey started when I heard about the Christian author Joshua Harris deciding to have a look and rethink his stance on a book he wrote called “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” A video appeared on my YouTube browser showing two girls with this book, so I decided to watch it. It was the first time I had learned of these two girls and their ministry ‘Girl Defined’. This was where I started to look into things a bit more in depth. Growing up a Christian and with godly parents, I was always taught the Biblical concept on relationships as well as on many other topics. I had read over the years a number of books on this topic including this book mentioned. I decided to re-look at this topic of relationships and as I did I realised that there are a lot of girls and even guys wanting answers on so many different aspects of this area, especially with the changing society of our day, as well as other topics. I decided to share some thoughts on a variety of things as well as relationships. This will come about with what I discover, notice, through conversations etc and from day to day as to what I will write and share. I hope my thoughts of how I find them through the Bible and other avenues will get you thinking and maybe some answers too. 🙂