When I first learnt about Joshua Harris deciding to review his stance of the book he wrote, I was a little surprised and decided to look into it further. I remember reading this book when I was younger and so was interested as to why he was rethinking his stance. So I decided to read what Joshua said were his reasons as to why he’s decided to have a re-look, as well as, spending a long time reading through the comments/ feedback that were given on his website regarding others with their experience with his book in their lives. I watched some videos on YouTube as well, for both sides of the argument and found it all very fascinating.
When I read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, It was years after the book was first released and it’s so called ‘movement’ that swept across America. I was way out of high school and hadn’t heard about the books impact in many people’s lives except that of my sister. I understand and can sympathise with how people must feel with having the book almost ‘Bible Bashed’ at the time, as this is what happened in the case of my sister. It was done through some people who meant well, but went about it the wrong way to end a close friendship my sister was having with a guy (they weren’t even in a relationship). At the same there is no way that any of the blame should be targeted/ directed to Joshua Harris for this and I feel that people are using Joshua as a scapegoat. People will always take what they read and use it in ways that are both negative and positive; it is all about how people go about it.
I read this book awhile after the ‘movement’ and I personally believe that this book is for those who are not ready for a relationship and was giving guiding principles on how to stay pure and honour God in your singleness for when the time is right to pursue a relationship leading to marriage. I believe that this book is aimed at high school kids/ youth and so far have not found anything wrong Biblically. As soon as I had completed it, I realised that the target audience was that of teens/ late teens who should wait and stay pure until the right time and that time was when they were ready for the commitment of marriage. It is saying to wait until you are ready to pursue a relationship with the intent of it leading to marriage, otherwise you will go through needless heartache, pain and playing with other peoples feelings, which is unfair, as well as your own. There is no point to having a relationship for the sake of a relationship because others are. Just because it is what’s done, doesn’t make it right. It is also a temporary enjoyment with lasting consequences and this is just asking for the unnecessary, needless heartache. This also can wrongly lead to the other person involved being led-on which is selfish. Treating a relationship/ person like this can cause/ lead to problems later on in future relationships as a result. If you ask most other people they would say that they wished they stayed pure rather than throwing it away.
His other book “Boy Meets Girl” is for those who are responsible, mature enough for marriage, and feel that they are ready to purse a relationship with the intent of it leading to the commitment of marriage.
I believe that one mistake that a lot of people make is that they forget, that things like this book, is a guide and you have to look at your particular situation and apply it too that, which unfortunately people don’t seem to do. As a result of not doing this, they are quick to blame when things don’t go how they envisioned or planned it too for their life.
We must remember that a husband or wife isn’t our reward for staying pure. God never promises this. He asks us to obey Him and to stay pure because we love Him, not what we can get out of Him (1 These 4:3-4). Our motivation should be about us wanting to honour and please God because we love Him and want that everlasting/ eternal relationship.
There are so many reasons and factors that can play apart in why relationships have broken down or why people have not found someone. A book can’t be blamed for that as choices are made and this book was only a guide with some guiding principles. If we throw away his book, do we throw away the Bible, as his principles were Bible based? We all have free well to choose. I actually feel that it is almost unfair for Joshua Harris to be personally targeted, but by nature us humans, we like to find someone to blame. This all started right back in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve blamed others for their choice. I believe that everything needs to be taken in context and all studied with the Bible, as I believe what the Bible says is true no matter what, even if it goes against popularity. Do we please God or man?